I’m determined not to ask why these things happen to me, just try to suck it up and carry on. The worst part when things don’t go to plan, there’s a setback or everything is thrown into disarray is when I don’t know what action to take. How should I respond? Who to ask for advice? Worst when there is a time frame to know the answer to these questions, when you don’t know how to handle matters.
Yesterday I got a call from the IVF clinic, apparently the work experience had fallen through my heart immediately sinks to my shoes. But she wants to see me tomorrow as she might have a proper employment offer to make me, this should make me jump with joy and dance around doing a hula or something. Maybe reenact a Gap advert right then and there on my living room carpet, regret the carpet burn later. The thing is this position is for the long-term, we’re talking for several years being in Calgary. This was against my original plan. Should I be more flexible? It would mean I wouldn’t be able to apply to the training program I reaaaaaally wanted to as which had a good career progression, professional accreditation, MSc possibilities and it would put me back in Europe again.
The reason I wanted work experience and not the full shebang, was my work visa only lets you have a certain number of hours in contact with patients and bodily fluids a week and work experience would be a lot of shadowing, looking and learning. Getting to grips with equipment and techniques and taking that information on with me on my journey to getting to where I want to be. I would need a medical to have this changed, which could take time and the offer won’t stay around forever. I’m torn. Then there’s getting the visa extended. Being a foreigner in a country is tough. I’m realising that. Sometimes I really miss England, you take for granted belonging, just being, not having to worry that some time down the line you need to refresh your right to be there. It’s only when wrestling with the nightmarish red tape and waiting I have been able to appreciate this.
So last night instead of catching up with emails and blogs (which is tomorrow’s plan) I went and read through some books and notes I thought might help me for my meeting. I was so tired I’m surprised I managed to blog on time. It was 24 hours from our phone call to the face-to-face.
If anything, I have had a tour around a fast-paced fertility clinic. I have spoken to a laboratory director, who was a wonderful lady – really energetic and jovial, a few interview questions peppered with chattery exchanges. I have seen lab assistants on the job checking morphology slides. I have been around a cryopreservation storage facility. It was pretty amazing. It sounded really good, even if it wasn’t exactly in the field I anticipated, the opportunity being the andrology side (male) of IVF. Even this meeting is resume worthy, it’s an education experience.
If I thought about myself, I could just accept and quit if the training scheme accept me. But with reason and my conscience winning out more often than not, I couldn’t do that to the clinic, the whole team seem a lovely bunch and I hate to disappoint people after they have invested in me, especially really nice people. If I’m going to commit to it I have to do it on their terms and not my own agenda. Am I too soft-hearted? Then there’s the visa aspect buzzing around my mind.
Over the next few days I have a lot of thinking to do. It feels good to write this down, clarify what’s been going on in my mind.
I have learned about not clinging to the expected and hope I get what is right for me. Now to read my gratitude post to feel a bunch better.
City Soliloquy 